I wish it was simpler. I wish it was easier. I wish it was kinder. But I’m afraid it’s not.
Your pain hurts me worse than it hurts you. Your hatred throws me into a dismaying sense of agony. But I must do this, for your own sake.
As you squirm against the ropes binding you, you stare into my eyes and all I see in your eyes, as they burn up at me, is fear and hatred. You shout obscenities and curses at me, which are muffled by the silk handkerchief I put in your satiny mouth. I hear the gargling words and I can understand what I cannot comprehend. Your angry shouts, little more than guttural grunts, pierce my soul with an icy blade of neglect.
How can you not see that I am not the monster. I am not the devil; I am the angel. And I feel you are hiding from me, from the truth, in the oblivion of the cold detachment I have learned to expect from you.
Look at me, into my soul, and tell me if I’m guilty. Gaze into my eyes and tell me what you find. The secrets concealed within, the miseries I have seen. Can you blame me for wanting to set you free?
Because now all I yearn, is salvation. Redemption. Forgiveness. And the only way I can achieve that is by saving you.
You won’t understand me…What I mean by saving. I don’t mean ‘living’ or ‘surviving’. That is not what I mean at all. These are concepts of the flesh. And flesh is transient, temporary. What perseveres the test of time is the soul. And I wish to save your soul. To grant it relief from corruption; to allow it to last for eternity in it’s chaste beauty.
This is what I must do. I must grant you your soul to reclaim mine. I must do this, to set it all right. The guilt of what I have done has me shackled to the cold dark abyss of my past. And you can set me free. Allow me to save you, to save me. To mean one is to mean the other.
Tell me you can let it all go: the doubt, the fear and the hatred. Tell me you can see beyond the mask thrust onto me, beneath the facade: the truth I am dying to reveal.
Tell me you can be the one to see into the depths on my soul.
Tell me you can be the one to plunge into the darkness of my conscience.
Tell me you can save my soul from the grisly fate that awaits it.
Tell me you can be my savior. Be my savior.
Be my light.
Be the one to complete the reason for my existence.
And help me save my soul.
As I unsheathe the knife, I see fear break out in your eyes. I hear you pleading. But I can’t allow you to let your naive ignorance destroy your soul. I must do this.
Tears well in my eyes as I raise the knife. In your eye, I can see my distorted form wielding it.
I have to save you. I must.
I thrust the knife, into your heart.
As the life drains out of your eyes, leaving them glassy orbs, I crumple to the floor and begin to weep.
I am finally complete.