Today I’ll be trying my hand at writing something that isn’t tragic, but border-line humorous. Bear with me.
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase “What the hell is wrong with you!?” over the 16 years that I have been gracing the Earth with my presence. And my reply is usually along the lines of “Various experts/psychologists/I/smarter people than you have failed to figure that out.” Now today, for only you guys, I will take you through the incredibly fascinating place that is my brain. Readership discretion advised for moderate language and slightly disturbing content.
I wake up, with my phone’s alarm blaring incessantly into my ear.
OK OMG PHONE SHUT UP ALREADY I GET IT. I’M GETTING UP, YOU ACCURSED MONSTER.
My phone’s screen will now be saying “GET UP NOW BEFORE I BEAT YOU INTO THE 22nd CENTURY YOU LAZY MORON.”
Yes, I know. Threatening myself is the only way I know I will cooperate with me.
Then I, in a total span of less than 8 minutes (Yes, I counted with a stopwatch), I get ready for the torture that is school. The next 4-5 minutes will be spent in trying to calm my hair down since they want to so vehemently ruin everything. (I’ve tried EVERYTHING you might think of but my hair just love rebelling against me) I don’t style them or whatever I JUST TRY TO MAKE THEM SIT THE HELL DOWN. GOSH!
I’m getting real tired of your shit, hair.
Ok I’m going to cut you all off if you don’t sit down.
Ok I’m so so sorry just please please PLEASE listen to me for once.
Fine whatever I’ll just look like I don’t own a hairbrush for the rest of the day.
After breakfast, which consists of a glass of milk/cola/lemonade/juice along with a handful of almonds or something: I don’t get hungry in the morning, or actually most of the day but that comes later on ahead.
So I leave for school, headphones in my ears and singing along to whatever is my favourite song at the moment at the top of my voice (unless I’m too sleepy) until someone begs me to shut up as I sound like, and I quote, “a dying goat.”
OK so I reach school relatively early. That means that I am mostly the first or second person to school. But that is cool, I just read a book or something on my phone or complete my homework or whatever because that is how I roll.
And please, don’t even begin with the whole “Ermaghaarhd who reads books on their phone? That’s so lame. Who reads at all? Like eww” crap with me. I get it, you have nothing more to do than play Temple Run on your phone. I don’t judge you (Okay I kinda’ do) but leave me alone. I like reading on my phone.
Now I usually have to wait from 20 to 30 minutes for my friends to start arriving. Till then, I just sit silently in a chair in the corner, observing. Till then my brain is somewhat like:
Oh why the hell would you say that? That doesn’t even make sense.
NONONO THAT IS NOT HOW YOU USE THAT WORD.
Oh never mind you. You seem oka-WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT SHERLOCK!?
Guuuhreat! I was waiting for someone to start arguing over football. Do you have nothing else to talk about?
I wish these imbeciles (my friends) would hurry up to school already.
*telepathic threat* Ok if you imbeciles don’t come within the next 5 minutes I won’t talk to you ever.
Ok I probably will but just hurry the hell up.
As soon as one of my friends show up (hereto referred to as Forehead, Sloth, Midget) its like I transform into an energetic maniac and I immediately forget anything and everything I wanted to tell/ask from one of them. We joke about and be generally awesome (I’ll dedicate an entire post as to the ‘how’ of that in the future) and then the lessons commence. Now in school during lessons I generally have the same-ish thoughts all day long. Lets discuss those a bit.
Oh dear Lord this is so easy. Why are we even wasting time on this crap?
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEACH FASTER!
OMG SLOW DOWN DON’T TEACH THAT FAST.
What the hell is that kid doing? Like don’t put that there! GO WASH YOUR HANDS.
I bet Emma Watson’s hair smells nice.
*waving pencil* Accio paper! Accio paper! OMG IT MOVED A BIT.
I wonder what happens in Supernatural Season 9.
*remembers an internet joke and begins laughing*
I should start working out.
I would be such an awesome ninja.
“I can almost see it, that dream I’m dreaming. But there’s a voice inside my said saying, ‘You’ll never reach it’ Eve-WAIT WAS I SINGING THAT OUT LOUD?!”
I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for a second that I am one of them.
We have this IRRITATING kid in class who asks the stupidest questions. Stupidity physically irritates me.
Did you just ask that? I mean are you kidding me? Did you actually legitimately ask that from the teacher? HE JUST EXPLAINED THAT THRICE ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?
OMG ARE YOU FOR REAL? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOUR PARENTS HIGH ON TO HAVE CONCEIVED A GENIUS LIKE YOU?
ASK ONE MORE QUESTION AND I WILL DECAPITATE YOU.
I give up. You are hopeless.
You ask one more question and I will bludgeon you to death so violently your own parents won’t be able to recognize your mangled body.
My whole day goes like this, torn between relentless hatred towards some people, affection towards other accompanied with a boatload of detached nonchalance. The breaks are fun because my friends are all insane.
School goes on nicely. There are lessons you want to burst out screaming and run away flailing wildly (i.e. Maths) and other lessons when you have to keep in the urge to burst out laughing (i.e. Chemistry). Some lessons when you get so bored you imagine what would be the most inconspicuous way of stabbing your neck with a compass and ending this torment but in the end, due to a lot of patience, imagination and napping you get through it.
And then its a
calm and fun ride home crazy city where NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE and its so hot you can practically feel the sun screaming ‘DIE OF DEHYDRATION’ at you.
OK WE ALL UNDERSTAND YOUR CAR HAS A HORN IN IT WOW THAT IS SO AWESOME! LET ME GO GIVE YOU A MEDAL FOR THAT.
Either put on better songs or lower the volume.
THAT SONG IS LITERALLY 5 YEARS OLD. GET OVER IT. *puts in headphones and listens to Led Zeppelin*
I hope there isn’t a lot of traffic. I want to go home and rest.
The city: “Haha screw you. STREET CLOGGERS ASSEMBLE!”
Then you finally get home, tired and cranky and
relax and go to sleep bury yourself under the Atlas-worthy load of home-works, tests, revisions and other academic hoojinglies. When I finally get a few minutes, I watch the new episodes of the many series I follow.
I should probably study some Urdu.
Haha no! Lets watch some How I Met Your Mother *pum-pum-ra-ra-raaa-ra-ra-ra-rarara-raa*
IF I feel like it, I eat half a plate of whatever is at home at the moment. When I get free, finally, I am so out of energy to do anything so I just giggle at random stuff on Tumblr or see how one of my fandom is doing nowadays.
OMG 6 DAYS LEFT FOR SUPERNATURAL SEASON 9 AND HOUSE OF HADES!
Also my midterms are near.
No brain, shut up! CASTIEL!
Also, my neighbours have an outrageously loud generator RIGHT next to my window.
Don’t start it.
I’m warning you.
*goes to window*
Ok they’re starting it.
I wish it explodes and burns their house down in a fiery inferno and they are all trapped inside it and I watch from my window, the flickering glow reflected in my eyes.
They started it.
You are all the spawn of Lucifer himself, you inhabitants of hell.
*screams* “SCREW YOU ALL”
The day at home goes good: tiring but good. Plus I text with Sloth and Scarface all the time and Forehead calls once in a day mostly.
Then I blog too but that has been infrequent recently, so sorry (if anyone even bothers reading all this crap)
When I get so tired I can’t even do nothing, I collapse into sleep, Lana Del Rey slowly lulling me to sleep. This is the time when my mind is on the brink of shutting down so it tries too hard to squeeze out all the craziness before I go to sleep, otherwise I have very weird dreams. (Like last night I dreamt I was falling and I woke up)
Oh its time for you to go to sleep? Lets talk about how that sounds like footsteps in the attic.
I can’t help noticing how that shadow looks like a little girl wielding a knife.
Ssh! Go to sleep!
FEET DON’T FAIL ME NOW. TAKE ME TO THE FINISH LINE. I FEEL S-DID NO ONE HEAR THAT FOOTSTEP?
*glances towards knife concealed behind bed incase of emergency*
I wont sleep. I can’t be murdered in my sleep.
*3 minutes later* Screw that shit I’m off to sleep.
That is how an average, un-depressing day goes. There is so much more that I think that I can’t put in this because it may be too vivid or cruel or demeaning or I may seem too mean or cranky or whatever.
Anyways, you just went through a VIP tour of my mind. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Till next time, ciao!
Ok this was the first time I wrote something like this and any feedback would be appreciated. If you liked it, do tell me and show this to your friends.