2014: In A Little Over A Nutshell

Well, just like that. Another year struck off. It seemed like it was just yesterday that I was writing 2013: In A Little Over A Nutshell. I didn’t think I would write another one, but now with Lana Del Rey crooning softly in my ears and my room so cold there is actual mist hanging with every breath I take, my fingers fly over the keyboard in an effort to justify the year I have lived. This would have been a very different article, whiny and cranky, if it weren’t for a horrendous event that took place a few days ago. Unless you have been living under a rock for the past week, you will know about the Peshawar Attack (16.12.14) that took place where terrorists brutally murdered 160+ people including 141 students (conservative figure) of a school in Peshawar, Pakistan. This year has been ridden with events that made the humanity in me cringe and weep at the brutality this world inflicts on those within it; from the massacres in Burma, Syria, Gaza and now Pakistan. It seems that as I grow older, the world grows callous and brutal by the minute. Or maybe my ability to notice the cruelty has grown. I was used to the notion that old people died. Children were to live and study and play. This notion has been eviscerated. Now, I have seen that reality is ruthless. It is mirthless and kills those who don’t deserve death. But then again…who does? Now, living seems like a privilege. And that, right there, is how messed up we are. Life seems like blacks and grays woven into a tapestry of bleakness, riddled here and there with a string of bright golden. Instead of how it should conversely be, life is but sadness with a splash of happiness. So, in lieu of the depressing turn this has taken, lets look at the aforementioned golden threads in detail. 1- The Good Things That Happened This Year

  • I have, been blessed in this life, by amazing people. People who make life bearable enjoyable.
  1. My amazingly sarcastic mother
  2. My ridiculously annoying yet amazing sister
  3. My friends (the fat, the short, the excessively tanned, the scarfed, the excessively egoistic, the dimpled, the mathematicians, the ones far away, the musicians, the artists, the music-dealers, the writers and the readers, the gamers, the providers of love and guidance, the ones that make me roll around with laughter, the ones that are just too adorable and all of them who are amazing.)
  4. No one else matters to me *evil laughter*
  • ROCKING GRADES IN O’LEVELS WHATS UP YO
  • I got enrolled in the most prestigious college in Pakistan. Although the significance of this barely registers to me and when it goes I go like huh goddamn I’m in the most prestigious colleges in the country and that is it.
  • I had some amazing times this year. Some days I will never forget, and some that I will despite not wanting to.
  • LANA DEL REY RELEASED HER NEW ALBUM AND IT WAS AMAZING YES IT WAS.
  • If I had a bucket list, I would have crossed out sing randomly on public transport so everyone looks at you funny; get thrown up on by a complete stranger in aforementioned public transport; listen to an entire album in class; get thrown out of class for snoring; bunking college and going to McDonald’s; mistake the campus manager of your academy for a custodian. 

1- The Bad Not Particularly Nice Things That Happened This Year

  • FScENOUGH SAID

Ok no seriously coming into FSc after O-Levels was a HUGE step and something I still haven’t entirely adapted to. I basically oppose the methods of learning in FSc and the English syllabus is painfully easy. The people here are very very different from what I was used to in O-Levels. Now, that can be a bad thing as well as a good thing. If you compare the good against the bad, however, you find one thing. All the flaws in them aren’t their faults but their strengths are to their credits. They aren’t that interested in reading, or in good music (translation: music I like) and they spend too much of their time and energy into the futile endeavor of finding a temporary significant other. However, these people are very hard-working. If only they had utilized their gifts, they would be MUCH MUCH MUCH more successful. Other than that, there is solidarity and humanity in them. They are willing to help. And they genuinely care for other people. However, my tough life schedule has pretty much made me drift away from everyone who didn’t make a conscious effort to stay with me through this time. PLUS MY BACK HURTS SO MUCH ALL THE TIME.

  • We had to endure songs such as Rude by MAGIC!; Happy by Pharell Williams; All About That Bass by that fat girl.
  • O’Levels ended. It was so fun. The people were fun. Life was fun and easy. A simpler time. I miss it tremendously.
  • It’s been so long and YouTube is still banned.
  • NAWAZ SHARIF *narrows eyes* Grrr…

The Advice Before we got to the actual advice, there were a lot more things rushing through my head that I wanted to write down before they tumbled back into some forgotten corner of my consciousness. But I guess that’s the beauty of it. I haven’t forced anything onto the page. Only the things that my fingers wrote appeared here, soul laid bare till next year. What I’ve also learned, something I knew already but what has been set in stone over the past year, is that you don’t need approval from anyone else. Society will never approve of you. They will break you down and pull your body and soul apart and criticize each and every portion of your entity. You cannot appease society if you hope to hold on to your originality. It is futile to conform to society, because society will strip you of your originality and your individuality and turn you into a mindless, opinion-less drone. Whatever you do, they will twist and turn it into something negative. So I have given up trying to fit in. No one can bring you down if you love yourself. If you know your flaws and know your strengths, there is no one that can pull you down. The only person who can control you is yourself. The only one with the power to break you down  is yourself. Everyone is beautiful. Everyone is amazing. Every life is important. Always remember that. I just wanted to request for everyone to live life to its fullest. Live it like there is no tomorrow (this doesn’t mean that you have to be reckless and do heroin and steal a walrus) but it means that you have to find the beauty in life so that all the moments can be beautiful. We can’t wait for happiness to come; we can’t wait for beauty to find us. We have to go to the happiness, find the beauty in life. Love your family. Love your friends. Let your love be true and unapologetic. If you want to talk to someone, send them a message. If you don’t want to talk to someone, don’t. If you want to tell someone something, do it. If you want to read or write or sing, the only one who can stop you is you. Life is short. Too short for hate or regret or what-if’s. You can be here one day, underground the next. Life is too short for waiting or being afraid. Life is too short for doing what you don’t want to do. So…

  • be true
  • be unafraid
  • be thankful for what you have
  • live life to the fullest

Stay safe.

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2013: In A Little Over A Nutshell

And just like that, another year of my life passed in an exceedingly colourful blur. And now here I sit, holed up in my blanket, thinking back on the year that passed. And I find myself writing this, though logic dictates that this is an effort in futility.

This year, as any other, had its vicissitudes. There were the highs and there were the lows. And I wanted to write all this down. I guess to preserve all of this? I don’t even understand why.

So I think I’ll go with a quaint numbering system or something. And although this goes against the pessimistic core of my personality, I’ll start with the good things first.

1- The Good Things That Happened This Year

Well, no one died for one thing. And people have a habit of doing that so that’s a big plus. Except for this old aunty across the street and now I’m thinking about her and now I’m sad. She always used to give us biscuits when we went over and she was so sweet and kind to us and she genuinely loved everyone and now the neighbourhood just seems so cold and desolate. I remember on the day of her funeral, when her body was being taken away, her husband of some 50 or such years looks at her and waves her goodbye for the last time. Yeah. Heart-wrenching.

Other than that, I met some very special people this year. At this time last year, roughly the same I guess, I became friends with one of my best friends who I hope will go the long run. And some eight months ago, I met my best friend so unexpectedly that it eludes belief. And it might astonish you how these people went from being absolute strangers to people I would die for in the span of this year. Guys, I love you and I hope you will be by my side in these years to come. And I met a few other people too. People who came and left but they all left marks. All of them made impacts. Y’all know who you are. And I don’t regret meeting any of you. I’m glad I met all of you. Because you all are important in shaping me. No matter how mediocre you think you are, we are all cogs in a grand machine. Each part has its purpose to serve. You all changed me. For the better, I hope. But you were all vital to my metamorphosis.

Stooping to the superficial, I got a new phone. And I got good grades in my Cambridge exams ._.

2- The Bad Things That Happened This Year
Now this is the part which I won’t particularly like writing. First of all, this year has brought me some horrid scares. I thought I had lost six out of the nine people important to me.

Now although you might find this impeccably petty, but the thought of losing people wrecks me. And this year, I was forced to think about how not having these people would affect me. And this destroyed me. This feeling devastated me and left me with this obsessive paranoia that everyone is going to leave me. Although they say life moves on after you lose someone, it doesn’t. That person remains there always, a shadow just beyond your grasp. And it eradicates you. Knowing that you can never see them again. And to know they are never coming back. I can’t stand losing these people. And if the day ever comes when one of them is taken from me, I don’t know what will become of me. You people might not know what you mean to me. Or you might just know. And I just might not mean the same to you as you do to me. Or maybe I do. But please, just stay by my side. I love all of you.

Other than that, this year brought forth a barrage of problems; one atop the another. You think you have found bliss but then suddenly another problem befalls you. And the onslaught doesn’t stop. You want it to end. You want solace. But that won’t be. So I’m glad for all the people there for me. I know you’ll always be there for me. And I can’t thank you all enough for that. I can’t stress this enough. I love you all.

And now that we are done with the good and the bad, I just want to say that this year could have been a lot better. And it could have been a WHOLE LOT WORSE. I have a few regrets, and I have a few moments that I will always look back and smile at. All in all, 2014 is just around the corner. And I hope that this year will be better than this one. I hope I lose no one. I hope I make my friends and family proud. I hope I achieve what I have been aspiring.

I want all of you, whoever bothered reading these ravings of a bored adolescent, to ponder over the year you have. Think about those close to you. And tell them what they mean to you. You might never know when its too late.

Aspire. Dream. Do it.

Don’t wait out.

Life’s too short.

The years are flying by.

Don’t waste your life.

Think about those whom you have hurt.

Think about the things you wanted to say and say them.

Apologize.

Reconcile.

And step into the new year without any regrets, a heart full of hope, a smile on your face and the people you love next to you.

*raises hypothetical glass*

So here’s to 2013. Here’s to all our friends and families; the people we can’t live without; the people who have stayed with us and who always will.  Here’s to meeting new people. Here’s to love and to friendship. Here’s to memories, both good and bad. Here’s to living without regrets. Here’s to living. Here’s to surviving.

Here’s to 2014, a year of promise.

To everyone out there, Happy New Year.